Fellowship 12

I did some reading today while contemplating my problems:

Astonishingly difficult to solve (xxv:iii:2), centered in my mind (23:3), with selfishness and self-centeredness at their root (62:2-3), my drinking being but a symptom(64:2), my misery self-imposed (133:6), my problems are of my own making (62:6).

I also did some reading on the bedevilments of my unmanageable life on page: 52: sentences 5-10.

Life is better now.

One of the things that continues to intrigue me about the Big Book is how intricately the themes and motifs are interwoven throughout the text. This morning I have been contemplating Bill's use of the term 'rocketed'.

 25:7 The motif of being 'rocketed' speaks of the tremendous Power which carries us the great distance from where we are now to a new, and better destination (84:14-15). Our understanding of our course and destination in this rocket are developed as we travel through the Big Book.

63:18 This is the beginning of our being rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence (25:7), the world of the Spirit (84:15). Our course has been laid to lead to this precise destination and we prepare for launch first by removing the obstacles from our path.

84:14-15 The directions are clear-cut (29:1); immediately after making our Step 3 decision 'we launch out on a course of vigorous action' (63:18), by launching we achieve a velocity sufficient to break the bounds of gravity and be rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence (25:7). We shed the things in ourselves which block us off from God and enter into 'the world of the Spirit'.

The 12 Steps are all backward. Think about it. When we go to our first meeting very few of us have admitted we are powerless over alcohol.

12. Our first and all subsequent meetings are actually 12th step work - by helping ourselves and other people stay away from drinking, we awaken spiritually.

11. We meditate about what we have heard at the meetings and if we hurt bad enough we may ask for help in prayer.

10. More meetings spur more thought and evaluation of our lives and actions, helping us to admit where we have been wrong.

9. We usually say we are sorry to those closest to us and tell them we are cleaning up our side of the street

8. Our list of people we have harmed, and our willingness to make things right, likely grows as our memory and awareness come back.

7. Overwhelmed by our character defects we turn to prayer for relief from this burden realizing that there is little chance that we can change on our own, having tried so many times in the past.

6. Our unhappiness with our lives helps us become ready to continue with this program.

5. Seeing the truth, we usually pray and tell at least one other person why we are unhappy with ourselves.

4. We dig deeply into our character. Recognizing how our selfishness, self-centeredness and fears are at the root of our problem.

3. We decide to ask God to direct our lives.

2. Seeing the concrete results of our decision we come to believe that God will restore us to sanity.

1. We see that we are insane, that unless we find a solution we will be unable to stay away from the first drink, that we really are powerless over alcohol -- that our life has become unmanageable.

Every trip through the Steps, every Step on this path, in either direction, brings us closer to the point where we admit that we are powerless over alcohol -- that our lives have become unmanageable and by being restored to sanity and awakened spiritually we are able to see the strength, support and joy that comes from sharing this solution with other alcoholics. -- Frank D.